Really Now…
May 16, 2006 by comfortableredsweatpants
Whoa there! You have been working at an exceptionally fast pace lately — either physically, socially or mentally (probably all three to some extent). Now it’s time to slow the heck down. Refuse a few invites, take an actual lunch break and schedule some solo time. A downturn in your activities will be excellent for your wallet too — and building up your rainy day fund is crucial if you want to make the most of an upcoming travel opportunity!
Hmmm…interesting, but true. I have been quite the splurger for the past couple of weeks. Mostly what with eating out for fancy dinners with Michelle and Amy (all we need is a fourth and pretty soon, we’re like the Sex in the City girls…although as pointed to Michelle once, minus the "sex" part, which makes us just plain City girls…ahahahaha!), the Saturday night dance offs and occassional binging on the ultimate comfort food…Sweet Sour Pork and Fried Rice from the nearby Chinese food place at Falconridge.
And don’t get me started about work. I think I’ve been wanting to just not stay still that’s why my head, heart, body and probably soul even, are all over the place. My fear is, if I do sit still, I’d end up thinking about stuff. Stuff to deal with, to throw out, to decipher and to just basically put focus on. I don’t know why for some reason, I prefer this madness than the seeming possibility of sanity and peace that can be mine if I do take the time to be still for the next couple of days, weeks or months and rethink all my decisions, my choices, my goals (or lack thereof) and just reexamine what should I be doing and be prioritizing. Ugh.
Changes are happening around me lately and I dunno, it’s amazing for them. Graduating, having a family, getting married and such…it’s all happening for these people and that’s awesome. And yet, with all the good around them, I can’t help but think, where’s my piece of this good luck pie that everyone seems to be enjoying? Friggin’ I deserve one too, damn it!
Wait. Scratch that.
What did I do so special that I deserve my piece? I haven’t been the best person to be around with lately. I mean, yea, I work hard…sure, I’ve been at it for like 3 years now…I best know what I’m doing by now. Sure, I’ve been behaving quite nicely…relatively speaking, been paying my bills on time, not causing any major arguments, just minding my own beeswax. But for some reason, with this looming gray cloud I’ve been on for the last couple of months, I dunno…do I deserve anything at all? I mean, if I can’t be grateful for things that I do have, what makes the cosmos want to give me what I want?
What do I want?
Goodness! I can’t even say anymore. I’m just at a total loss…it’s not even hilarious. This is just so frustrating.
Like last night, after being told that I did a couple of bloopers at work by Michelle and that everyone else knows about it, I friggin lost it. I hate when people enjoy seeing you fail. But then again, are they really doing that or is my own stupid persecution complex kicking in again and allowing me to beat myself up without real cause to? Brr…
See, this is what happens when I sit still…
Think.
Think again.
Think some more.
Ask.
Think again.
Brr…hate the whole process.
But yea, as for my thing for the day, I guess I best stop the splurge for now so I can enjoy my time back home in December which I am totally looking forward to. Someone better take me to Boracay or any friggin beach coz 6 years without even so much of a whiff of the salt water and walking barefeet on sand is enough to drive this tropical girl crackers!
As for the rest of the s**t that I have to deal with…I’ll walk it off for now.
"singing to the Eraserheads’, "Huwag Kang Matakot"…sooooo old school…"
