Confused
July 20, 2007 by comfortableredsweatpants
So here I am, sitting on the couch, watching "6-teen" (and mildly enjoying it…) and pouting like stupid. I didn’t have to know that Matt is getting married on the 16th of August. I was already bitter enough knowing that he is engaged and I had to friggin know this the first time I signed up for Facebook (ahh…the perils of the damn thing!). All I wanted was to catch Jason online today while I chill on the couch and chat. I didn’t need to know that Matt is happy somewhere out there. To be honest, I don’t really know why am mad about it…I mean, who cares really right? I mean, me and Jason are doing great and I love him to bits. But why am I sooo mad at the thought that Matt is happy? Maybe at the back of my mind, I secretly wish he was miserable…then maybe I would feel better. I guess that way, if he was miserable then all that drama that I had to go through would be somewhat vindicated…ugh. I hate being bitter…and it sucks that I still am.
I so want to enjoy my relationship with Jason…he makes me happy than anything else. I guess it doesnt help me at all that my birthday is coming up and all this confusion as to what the "gift" is, is getting me all confused and utterly braindead. Dammmmiiiiittt…why can’t it be any easier?
I want to just be happy…how hard can that be really?
